I can personally attest to the life-changing power of a peak erotic experience. My first experience of sexual intercourse was just such an experience, leaving me with more questions than answers.
Questions that ultimately lead me to explore tantra.
The danger with peak erotic experiences is that they create a precedent in our minds and an echo in our bodies.
There is a very real danger that we become so blinkered in our view that we think this is the only way we can experience pleasure. It has to be exactly like this and then it will be amazing. We are striving for perfection. For an end-goal.
This is not tantric.
An example from my client practice
Recently, I received an enquiry from a client who, upon further enquiry was asking me to help them to recreate a peak erotic experience.
They had been seeking a tantra practitioner to fulfill this request for 4 years. Their story was indeed a tear-jerker and I felt moved to do what I could to help them realise their deep desire. But my spidey-sense was telling me that this wasn’t the right thing to do.
Upon further reflection I realized that the client had a fixed end-goal. Not only this, they had an extraordinarily narrow pleasure window and were seeking to re-create an experience which fit within this window. For several reasons I will not go into here, I was not able to work within the narrow confines of this window.
My dilemma with this client was a very useful one and prompted me to create this infographic.
The purpose of tantra is to expand our pleasure window so that we are able to feel even more. Working within a narrow window in an attempt to recreate a peak erotic experience is not aligned with tantric principles.
What I was able to offer the client was the opportunity to try to expand their pleasure window. To try new ways of feeling pleasure. This may not have sounded like a very attractive prospect, as it would take openness, willingness and perhaps perseverance but ultimately could lead them towards an experience of being able to feel much more pleasure in a variety of situations, including self-pleasure, significantly improving their quality of life.
This was the offer I made.
Harnessing Erotic Energy
Our erotic energy is our life force energy, it is the source of immense motivation and transformational potential.
A country song I love is by, Trent Harmon - 'There's a girl'. This describes the extraordinary motivation that men get from feeling sexual attraction, pushing them to do crazy things. And he's so right. But this experience is not gender specific, it is universal.
I have to confess that the few occasions I have cleaned my car inside and out is when I am expecting some special, whom I 'fancy', to sit in it.
Working with Integrity
Feelings of desire, longing and often desperation, are palpable and this mind-altering capacity of our erotic charge can leave clients wide open to exploitation and manipulation by unscrupulous professionals, making false promises or charging huge sums of money. we have experienced something incredibly pleasurable it is human nature to want to feel the same thing again.
The afore mentioned client was willing to pay someone they saw as a ‘sexpert’ and jump through all manner of hoops to recreate this experience.
And he is not an isolated case.
As a tantra practitioner I need to be aware of the power of erotic energy and ensure that it is being harnessed for the highest good of the client and in line with their initial intention.
Should I refer on?
I wondered. If it is so difficult to find a tantra practitioner who will agree to facilitate the re-creation of this peak experience, why the above client had not just employed a sex worker. Surely they would ask far less questions!
If would love to have a network of sexual professionals who work across a range of fields but are all aligned in their person-centred values and professional boundaries, that I could refer clients to. To achieve this, I need to do a lot more networking and even then I wouldn't feel comfortable to refer a client unless I had an embodied experience of how this practitioner operates.
Even if I did suggest a sex worker or surrogate to a client, I wonder. Would they go?
Some might. But many wouldn't.
I believe the main barriers are fear of judgment, feeling shame or embarrassment and the stigma attached with 'paying for sex'. I have a strong sense that going to see a qualified tantra practitioner significantly reduces that stigma.
They feel validated, justified, it feels acceptable, they feel OK.
Working Tantrically
So what I have to decide is can I congruently offer Transformational Tantra Massage to these clients? And the answer is not clear cut. But provided that I am clear about what it is I offer, what falls within the scope of a tantra massage and what does not, I leave it up to a client to decide what will meet their needs.
I naturally have a desire to help those seeking my services, but I need to take a wider view of what is actually helpful to them. Do I feed their existing pleasure pattern further entrenching it into the client’s experience and psyche? Or Do I seek to expand this person’s capacity for pleasure, challenging them to find other ways, other areas of their body, other postures, other sensations?
Reluctance may be high, progress might be slow, but if there is an openness to new experiences, there is scope for a journey. And with a journey comes the possibility of expansion and transformation.
Within my practice I am committed to meeting my clients where they are at on their pleasure journey. I welcome what is present for you and the full expression of your ecstatic pleasure right here, right now.