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The Power of Music



"Upon each of us, the wound of Separation, the pain of the world, lands in a different way. We seek our medicine according to the configuration of that wound.”
Charles Eisenstein, The More Beautiful World Our Hearts know is Possible.

My medicine has always been music.


Sound is one of the tantric keys, and I choose to interpret this as both sounds arising from our being and the sounds surrounding us.


Music has the power to show us our stories. To shape our paradigm.


My music choices have been indicative of my journey towards healing and self-actualization and I am a firm believer that it significantly affects our thoughts, our moods and our paradigm.


I was raised in the old paradigm. Boybands got me through my teenage years. From the age of 11 to my early twenties I was heavily identified with Boyzone, Backstreet Boys, Westlife, O-Town, A1, 911, 5ive, Busted, N*Sync and many more, (anyone remember Phixx?).

I now recognise that it could genuinely have been described as an addiction and was certainly a ‘special interest’.


Life was hard as I grappled with teenage angst, friends becoming enemies, family dramas, academic pressure and change. I had no control over my life. But when I switched my CD-Player on I was transported to another world, a world where I felt safe.


This was a world where men worshiped women, where they sang sweetly to us from their stools or tapped into our budding sexual desires with their raunchy dance moves. Their songs painted a picture of a perfect romance, finding a prince charming who would stay now and forever and would always be true. I would find heaven by his side and everything would be ok, as long as he loved me.


This is all I wanted and hoped to find in my life.


I went off to university with the firm belief that I could find this man. This goal was far more important to me than attaining a degree. I believed I would meet the love of my life, he would fall in love with me and we would live happily ever after.


I spent many a counselling session in the intervening years wishing I had behaved differently at uni. For many years, I was eaten up with shame and guilt for the numerous d’alliances and failed romances I experienced, far more than the people around me. I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me.


As my spiritual consciousness developed I came to realise how unrealistic my expectations were. I had been moving away from boybands slowly and in 2017 when I learned of the Law of Attraction and the power of music to manifest my reality, I decided to go cold turkey and ban the boybands. I began choosing music that made me feel good inside, that had a positive and realistic message about love and life and a respectful attitude towards women.

At first it was like a break-up, it was hard to let them go, I had to do a clean sweep of my media files and they were not easy to erase, often creeping back in from historical device data…but eventually I was free.


Some part of me knew I needed to take a break from their crooning voices while I healed the damage these false promises and shattered dreams had wrought on my system. I had been left bitterly disappointed, unable to trust anyone and very jealous and envious of those who seemed to me to have found their prince charming. Boybands were not to blame, they were just representative of this old paradigm that I knew I needed to evolve away from.


So began a 5 year hiatus (apart from one One Direction concert in 2017 as I was newly single and #lovinglife). The only boyband song I have allowed myself to listen to is Boyzone’s ‘Every Day I Love You’ as this has a beautiful message about growing stronger together. I actively switched off any music that sounded idealistic or negative and chose to surround myself with positive voices of change and growth and just sheer joy.

This conscious choice, along with serious amounts of self-development work, helped me to move into the new paradigm in which I find myself. I have studied tantra, authentic relating and counselling and conversed with many people of all ages, stages and genders and I now have a good grasp on reality and what it is to be human and to love.


I believe my music choices propelled me into a new paradigm. A world where love is consciously cultivated by two healthy beings who are in touch with themselves, their needs, wants and desires and are able communicate these openly to their beloved, where challenges are worked through.

In this paradigm I am attracted less to floppy blonde hair (mostly) and more to men who ask permission, men who notice my state of being, men who ask good questions that make me think more deeply. I know that this type of man will not fall at my feet but I also know that by learning all I have learned I have readied myself as much as I can for his arrival in my life when the Universe decrees it. And in the meantime there are plenty of activities I can engage in to get my touch needs met and feel erotically fulfilled.


I realise that men are not perfect and neither am I. I cannot expect a man to sweep me off my feet, heal all my past traumas and make everything better. I know that I needed to take responsibility for doing my own self-work so that I could meet a man from a place of balance, of knowing my Self, holding realistic expectations and a willingness to grow more and deeper together.


Fast forward to today.


I recognised a desire in me to listen to boyband songs. So I played a spotify playlist entitled ‘90’s boybands’.

I knew every song. Yep - even the obscure album tracks and one hit wonders thrown in there to keep you hanging on for the more popular tracks or tempt you to use all your skips and upgrade to premium! I loved them all. (Something to bear in mind if I ever find myself on Mastermind! …Or a pub quiz team.)


I listened with joy as I reminisced about the old intros, lyrics, melodies and key changes that were so familiar to me. I realised how much I had been missing out on, cutting this music out of my life. The break was necessary. But thanks to my dedication to self-development, tantra and mindfulness, I am now able to hear their words from the place of a witness, hearing them for what they are, a fantasy.


I am ready to expand and allow this music back into my reality, but my reality has changed. I have changed. I no longer listen with the same ears. I am no longer stuck in the old paradigm.


This is just one example of how my life has been influenced by tantra and tantric principles. Tantra has helped me to heal these old wounds, the disappointment and the unrealistic expectations.


Through Tantra I have learnt that restriction is just as unhealthy as over indulgence and what is required is consciousness and balance. If I am restricting something it still has power over me. I now recognise the power these songs had over me in the past. I also recognise that I enjoy listening to them now and that I am able to do so free from the old stories of the past. I no longer need to enforce this boyband ban.


Through Tantra I have developed an ability to notice and to titrate. There may be certain songs with memories attached and I may notice a reaction in my body, I can choose to stay with it and breathe through it and perhaps process the old memory, just as I invite my clients to do during a massage, or I can choose to hit skip.


Through Tantra I have learnt to take responsibility for my own experience, to create my own sense of safety and not rely on others to do it for me. I have learnt to feel my own boundaries and communicate them clearly.


Writing this post has also helped me to connect the dots and come to a new realization. I have known for a while now that men with a lot of feminine energy are attractive to me, men singing high notes arouse me and men who are softly spoken ignite my erotic energy. I now see where this came from!


Today, I am not fully healed. I still have a great deal of anger towards men for not living up to this ideal image I was sold, for not being worthy of the pedestal I tried to put them on, but I continue to work through this day by day and I am making progress.


I don’t know what teenage girls are listening to these days but it seems there is far greater diversity on the music scene now, with more platforms, more genres and greater access to a wider variety of artists. I hope that for the good of humanity, we have evolved beyond this 90’s and 00’s phenomenon.


I sincerely hope that we continue to evolve and teach our teenage daughters about the reality of love, partnership, romance, struggle and compromise and the diverse and wonderful ways love can be expressed between humans, so that they are prepared for love in the real world. So that they can tune into what feels true and erotic for them, and feel free to express it and share it in any way, with whomever they choose.


This is my sincere hope for the new world our hearts know is possible.